Why You Need Single Mom Friends (From the Outside Looking In)

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Take it from someone who knows. You need- I mean, WE need- mom friends. It’s true. Who am I to tell you that? I’m a mom of a spicy 4 year old and a mischievous 13 month old, who is home alone with her kids 5 days and nights per week. How do I know that you, a fellow mother (or so I presume) need mom friends? Because I don’t have any, and I know that I’m missing something in my life.

Growing up, I had a lot of siblings and we were very close. 6 children born within 10 years of each other, we were meant to be! Although I had casual friendships throughout my school years, I never felt a void as a result of not having close friendships because my siblings already understood who I was- inside and out.

Fast forward to college- I’m out and about and independent. I met an incredible group of friends and we connected on a profound level immediately. We lived our lives together and I realized that the world is full of people I could connect with, I just had to be in the right place at the right time.

A few years later, I got married, and then became pregnant 3 months later. As happy as I was, the distance between my friends and I quickly became tangible and then undeniable, and before I knew it, it was just me again. Well, me and my husband, and our baby, and our families…. But it was different. There was a void that needed to be filled by quality girlfriends who wanted to laugh with me, relate to me, teach me, and hear me.

A few years have gone by since then and I’ve pretty much gotten used to it. I’ve met a handful of kind moms here and there, met up with mommy groups from time to time, but I really have found myself craving the genuine conversation and growth that I know true friendship can bring.

TO VENT TO

Okay, that got a liiittle bit heavy. I guess I needed somewhere to put those thoughts because, as attentive as my partner and family are, there’s just something about venting to a fellow mother who ALSO was up with her toddler for 2.5 hours in the middle of the night, for no nameable reason. There’s just something so right about airing your dirty laundry (ex. being bit while breastfeeding, potty-training nightmares, the responsibility of meal-prep, the terror of finding sharpie scribbled on the walls, etc.) to someone who can empathize rather than sympathize.

One of the things we crave most as mothers is simply to be seen in the quiet moments of the million things we (try to) accomplish each and every day. Even though no one saw me sweep the kitchen 3 times today… oh how magical it would feel to call my best friend and tell her that I did so that, for a moment, the invisibility I have to the outside world would be no more.

TO RELATE TO

Sometimes when I go to the park and see ten other 4 year olds swinging and running and jumping, I can’t help but imagine that the lives of their mothers, and the life of me, are shared. I mean, aren’t we all trying to figure out ways to keep early mornings calm and quiet? Wondering why our child insists on “holding it” instead of just going to the potty? Hoping and praying for a smooth bath and bedtime routine?

We are all different, but I would like to believe that we have a lot of things that are the same, too. And I want to talk to a friend about that. There’s just something about knowing that you relate to someone else that makes you feel like maybe, you aren’t messing this whole thing up.

TO LEARN FROM

Exactly 97% of the time, I am absolutely winging it. I like to think that I’ve got some kind of skeleton of a schedule going on, but if the wind blows the wrong way, everything changes and I’m left parenting based on instinct and whether or not I’ve consumed Coke Zero today. I have perfected the art of googling obscure things, without confidence that they have ever been googled before (think “car seat head strap????”, and “baby + crooked butt crack”). 2 pages into scrolling, I’ll typically begin daydreaming about the ease of simply calling up a friend, and asking her about her opinion of the topic. Be her answer factual or not, a voice in reply to my query would surely be nicer than an ill-fitting google suggestion.

Okay, I’m sure you get the point… but what the freak am I supposed to do? Ugh, if only I had the answers for not only myself but for you. I’ll keep trying though. I joined Peanut a few days ago so I’ll keep you posted about that. I’ve also started stalking old high school classmates on social media to see if any of them look like they too are surviving off of caffeine and Cocomelon. I won’t give up, because I know that my future bestie is out there right now, picking up toys at 10PM or wiping down a highchair for the third time today.

By Julianna


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Do you feel that you have become caught in the ‘hamster wheel’, giving little, if any, consideration to your well-being or social life? When you are partnered with another parent, you can freely connect with new people, join a gym, or take up classes that you have never had time for.

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